Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Yet another story you won't read in 2009

Oprah Winfrey has declared that 2009 is the year she will stay fat. The high-profile TV personality has made it clear that she won’t be going on a diet in the next 12 months and neither will she be interviewing her previous health gurus on her top-rating show.

“If I brought all the kilos I’ve lost and gained in the last decade onto the television set we would need one of those NASA trucks for moving rockets. I’m going to do what I think every other fat person should do, and that is, give up”.

Health authorities have responded with dismay, saying that it is undermining their weight loss message, urging people to get psychologically distraught about their weight. “There goes our poster girl” said Laura Lipid who runs the Starvation to Salvation studio in North Sydney. “We loved it when Oprah looked super trim. We had a role model of note”.

When asked whether she would continue to endorse the health gurus she has promoted to stardom over the years, Winfrey said that health gurus are like tissues – keep them in your bag until needed and use them once before disposing.

“This has been a very liberating decision, and to make it in January means that I have nearly a year to tell the world that Dr Phil made me fat. That should dampen his book sales for a while. You didn’t buy a diet book by Dr Phil did you?” chuckled Oprah.

Winfrey denied that this was all a stunt sponsored by a major wide-screen television company.

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