Monday, December 29, 2008

A story you won't read in 2009

A story you won’t read in 2009
No-one thought it was possible, except Craig Middlemass himself. Throughout 2008 Craig’s weight didn’t deviate more than half a kilogram from his ideal weight of 82kg. This was the second year in a row that his weight remained stable, making him eligible to enter Channel 7’s new season program “Stable Weight, Stable Mind” where 10 contestants, five men and five women, maintain a steady weight for six months without displaying a single high five or breaking down in tears.

“People just don’t understand us”, bemoaned Craig during a telephone interview. “We generally exercise 5-6 days a week and eat plenty of fruit and vegetables. Everyone just assumes that I’m on a diet of cabbage heads and Himalayan goats’ milk, and can’t see that I get most of my food from Coles and the farmers market”.

Middlemass doesn’t always comprehend the strange world in which he lives. What feels quite normal to him is seen as seriously weird by his colleagues at work. Only last week he was seen to eat some chocolate cake without a shred of guilt. One girl followed him everywhere for the remainder of the day expecting him to drop to his knees and repent.

“I get reminded of being different every time I go to the gym. The staff say I’m a freak because I bought a 12 month gym membership and went at least once a week for the 12 months. Apparently I was meant to stop after five weeks, but hey, I actually enjoyed going there”.

“Anyway, I’m looking forward to being on the program. I reckon I can win Stable Weight, Stable Mind and promote the concept that us stable-weighters are humans too and deserve acknowledgement and respect from the weight-extremists who get all the kudos and publicity”, were the parting words from MIddlemass.

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