Despite the annoyance,
one thing I have to accept is that weight loss scams continue to be recycled.
When I was young and fiesty I would campaign against these charlatans. Now I am
resigned to a world where making money is more important than contributing to
the public well-being.
Eat biscuits, lose weight
Recently I gave four
lectures on “superfoods and superdiets” to doctors and nurses attending a 3-day
conference. Clearly they were grateful for balanced and practical nutrition
information and enthusiastically asked questions. Sadly, out in the exhibition
area was a shonky company promoting the “Cookie Diet”.
You would have heard
about variations on this “diet” before. You eat nine cookies during the day and
finish off with a meal of fish and salad, or similar, meaning that you have
dined on 1000 – 1200 Cals (4200 – 5000 kJs). Yes, you lose weight, just as you
would have on 1200 Cals of real food, but that means someone can’t fleece you
of $60 a week for a bag of cookies.
My tip is that if you
really think that scarfing cookies is a weight loss solution, then go and buy
some Tim Tams (Australia’s favourite chocolate biscuit) – much cheaper and I
guarantee they will taste better too. Six Tim Tams and a meal of grilled fish
and salad will also clock in at 1000 – 1200 Cals. At that rate, a week’s supply
of Tim Tams will cost around $12.
There is nothing clever
or original about this “eat expensive biscuits and salad until you go
stark-raving bonkers, start chewing the leather furniture and go out and buy
four family sized pizzas” diet plan. If you lived in Australia in the 1980s you
will remember Limmits biscuits. Same useless idea.
Just poo out those calories
As I say, the scams just
keep getting recycled and you eventually reach an age where you think: “Oh is
that back again?” Another old, failed, scam is the story about a certain pill
that stops you from digesting fat or carbohydrate or both, leaving you to poo
out all those Calories. Just take a couple with each meal and watch the fat
drain off your body. Always helpful to throw in the line “no exercise or
special diet required” to get everyone interested.
Anyway, the Undoit tablet
claims to [http://www.undoit.com.au/dosage “undo”] 10g of fat and 200g of
carbohydrate. If I understand that claim then it means that you will malabsorb
about 500 Cals (2100 kJs) with each tablet. They suggest you can take up to
three tablets a day, thereby malabsorbing 1500 Cals (and losing $1 per tablet
too).
Now, I use the word
“malabsorb” for good reason. You see, your guts were designed to absorb
nutrients like protein, fat, carbohydrate, vitamin and minerals. It is nature’s
clever way of keeping us alive. Malabsorption is unnatural.
There are some situations
in which the gut does malabsorb and you will know about them very quickly. If
you did malabsorb fat and carbohydrate to this claimed level, you will have
severe gut pain, enough gas to inflate an air balloon, steatorrhea and a
gastroenterologist at your bedside. Steatorrhea is fatty diarrhea. Take it from
me, having worked in malabsorption wards, steatorrhea creates an atmosphere
that will clear an entire suburb. Tear gas comes a distant second.
Hand picked science
In a smart move the
company does direct you to clinical studies knowing that most people are happy that there have been
“studies” but not willing to check them out. Let me help. The studies were on
people taking chitosan, a type of fibre found in crustacean shells, or an
amylase blocker, which stops starch digestion. Yes, folk lost weight, usually
in the region of 3kg over 12 weeks, but that is as long as the studies go. We
know that humans backslide pretty quick.
The only paper that
measured poo found that chitosan increased fecal fat loss by around 6g per day
(that’s 54 Cal; 225 kJs). Not quite the 10-30g fat malabsorption claim. I
couldn’t find one that measured the carbohydrate loss in the stool, which makes
the claim of a 200g carbohydrate loss incredible.
A review paper they naturally didn’t mention, concluded: “Results obtained
from high-quality trials indicate that the effect of chitosan on body weight is
minimal and unlikely to be of clinical significance.” Spoils the fun really.
What does it all mean?
What it really means is
that it is time for me to trade in my scruples and start making some serious
cash for myself. Do you really want to know what sensible weight loss advice
makes you these days? Nuffink. Nada. Zilch. Unless you are happy getting around
on a second hand push bike.
I’m going to make a magic
deflabbing milk powder-based drink with special Nepalese and Amazonian herbs, a
unique hunger-delaying fibre (love to tell you but it’s secret) and a
scientifically formulated vitamin range, and flog it on late night TV and
current affairs programs with a couple of Photoshopped before and after snaps.
It’s been done many times before and you just watch the cash pour in. Then I’m
going to get me a great car and an envied address. With the change I’ll buy a
Greek island. Maybe two. Real cheap right now.
But then
again, I don’t think the world needs another parasite.
